Life of Hardin Vol. IV, No. 14

My Friend Guapo*

“I can eat fifty eggs.” Or so said Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. And he did it, too; but he had the help of good screenwriters. I know a guy who could really do it for real, if he decided to try. Matter of fact, if I asked him, he’s probably done it already.

Allow me to introduce my friend Guapo. There isn’t a thing that can be done that he hasn’t done already or can figure out how to do. He doesn’t have a college education, and I’m willing to bet he doesn’t have very much high school under his belt. What he does have are two qualities sorely lacking in many red-blooded American males: creativity and gumption.

If you have ever seen Mary Poppins, then you know Bert. One day he is a painter. The next a kite salesman. The next a chimney sweep. But he has nothing on Guapo. I’m sure if there were any chimneys here to sweep, Guapo would be the first person sucked up one of them for an evening dance on the rooftops. Anything and everything is possible when Guapo is around.

When I visited Guapo’s house for the first time, he offered me a drink of fruit juice.

“What kind is it?” I asked.

“Acerola. It has 800 times the Vitamin C of orange juice.”

I didn’t believe it. But I’ve never seen Guapo with a cold. He’s been down and almost deathly ill with other ailments, but his nasal passages were clear.

His wife told me he ate a lot. I mentioned that he didn’t look as fat as that. But he begged to differ. “I can eat a whole lot,” he told me seriously. “One time I was so thirsty I drank four liters of milk at one sitting.”

“Four liters?” I jumped out of my chair. “That’s more than a gallon. Don’t you know that nobody can drink more than a gallon of milk in an hour?”

He wrinkled his eyebrows. “I’m telling you for real. And I drank liters, not gallons.” That was the time Guapo beat the gallon challenge before he even knew about it.

Creativity and gumption.

Guapo runs a frame shop. He doesn’t do the painting now, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t. He used to be famous, or at least almost. There is a famous painter here named Burtt. Guapo used to paint the pictures for him, and Burtt just signed his name to them, so I’m told.

Creativity and gumption.

One week Guapo decided to buy a computer. He went to the store and found out he was short on the necessary cash. While there he found a digital camera/photo printer package and bought that instead. He took it home and liked it so much that he bought two more. Then he went to the Expo, which is like a state fair except on a national level. He opened a photo booth, like the ones you see in amusement parks that nobody ever goes to, and charged a dollar a photo (policemen and Indians got a discount). People lined up all the way around the corner to have their picture taken and printed out ready to go in one minute. Guapo burned up two printers, he had them working so fast. Nobody cared about the exhibits, but they all wanted their picture taken. Guapo made more money in the last three days than people make here in three months. Those amusement park places could learn something there.

I don’t have time to tell you about when Guapo had a castle built on his patio. It stuck out from under his carport overhang like a big blister. But I saw it with my own eyes. And he did it all with creativity and gumption.

*Not his real name.