Life of Hardin Vol. IV, No. 8

Rules of the Road

Should you ever travel to Paraguay, you need to know a little about the available means of transportation and the rules by which they abide. The city of Asunción lacks a subway system, but has extensive bus lines that roam just about everywhere. These might not be the first choice, however, if one is not already familiar with the city. They make no regular stops, and the drivers assume you will hop on and hop off during the slow moments.

Taxis are also available to the general public. Unlike other South American countries, these have fare meters so that one does not haggle with the cabbies. But taxis are more like roller coasters than a viable means of transport. They thrill you with a wild ride, but you might also lose your lunch afterwards.

The more adventurous visitor might enjoy driving a rented car. If so, it will be helpful to have a basic understanding of the traffic laws, a selection of which I here provide, translated from the Asunción Driver’s Manual.

Section I. The Basic Rule.

1.1 All male drivers must ignore oncoming traffic and crane their heads to watch any woman pedestrian, regardless of her attractiveness, so long as she is clad in spandex.

1.1.a All women pedestrians must be clad in spandex.

Section IV. Regarding General Traffic Rules

4.1 You may pass at any time.

4.5 If a line of cars is stopped at a red light and you are last, you must pass to the front of the line and stop at an angle in the intersection.

4.6 You may ignore the lines on the road.

4.9 You must sound your horn in an angry manner at any vehicle in front of you at a red light that does not move one (1) second before the light turns green.

4.9.a The third car in line must follow the horn sounding of the second car.

4.9.b The fourth car in line must follow the horn sounding of the third car. Etc.

4.12 You may park anywhere you wish, so long as you turn on your hazard lights.

4.14 Speed limit signs need not be obeyed. They are in place merely as suggestions. However, these precautions are in place to regulate the speed of traffic.

4.14.a Each road shall have no less than one (1) speed bump.

4.14.a.1 Each speed bump shall be painted to match the road surface. No speed bump shall have reflective of colored paint that might make it visible.

4.14.b Each road shall have no less that one (1) large pothole every fifty (50) meters or no less than ten (10) small potholes every fifty (50) meters.

4.14.b.1 All road crews, on completing the resurfacing of a road, will replace potholes where they found them.

4.16 All traffic signals and road signs (i.e. red lights, one way streets, yields, No U-Turns, etc.) must be obeyed at all times with the following exceptions:

1) You are in a hurry, or

2) You think you can get away with it.

4.16.a You may never turn right on red.

Section VII. Regarding Motorcycles.

7.1 Motorcycles, scooters, and other two-wheeled vehicles are exempt from all responsibility to obey traffic laws. They may drive on sidewalks, between cars, etc, but must meet this requirement: No two-wheeled vehicle may have an engine capable of speeds above 50 km/h (31 mph).

Section X. Regarding Pedestrians

10.1 Pedestrians may cross at any point on a street, regardless of crosswalk, provided they do not

1) Look either way, nor

2) Move faster than a stroll.

Section XII. Regarding Buses

12.1 Bus drivers may do what they want, when they want, at any time, including deciding whether and when to stop and pick up or drop off passengers.

My advice is this: stay in a tall hotel with a view. You can see everything you need to from there.