Life of Hardin Vol. IV, No. 12

Hardin’s Guide to Fine Dining

If you have ever wanted to dine at four star restaurants--but balked at paying the 70 and 80 dollar per person price for a dollop of paté and a few sprigs of decorative parsley--then Asunción is the place for you. Here the paté and parsley sprigs cost a fraction of the cost. For those who care not for fine dining but only want tasty fare that can actually satisfy an appetite, then this city will suite you as well.

**** Fabio Rolandi

$$$ - $$$$ With four star Italian elegance in both cuisine and décor, Fabio Rolandi is the stop for pasta lovers who want a taste of high society. Dishes range from wood-fired pizzas to cannelloni and seafood. Each meal is accompanied by a plate of puffy pita bread (it is quite disappointing to see such a large loaf placed before you, only to have it deflate at first bite). Beware the chicken liver pasta. They think it delectable, and will not warn you beforehand what you have ordered.

*** Paulista

$$$$ This Brazilian-style churrasqueria is a must stop for any visitor. For a set fee, you get all the beef and chicken you can stand. A never-ending train of obsequious waiters brings the meat to you skewered on the points of swords. If you ask a waiter for anything, he quickly replies, “Como no, señor?” for which the best translation is, “Why not, mister?” He then gives a slight bow and runs off to slaughter another cow.

** Lido Bar

$$ During the dictatorship of Stroessner, the Lido Bar was the only place in Paraguay where a body was allowed to be out after curfew. The military police hovered outside to arrest people as soon as they stepped foot outside. The food covers a range of traditional Paraguayan fare including empanadas, medialunas, and a number of fresh squeezed fruit juices. They serve two types of soup: fish soup, and sopa Paraguaya, which is no soup at all but is more like cornbread. There’s a story behind that from colonial days, but it makes no sense and doesn’t deserve to be related.

THE REVIEWER RECOMMENDS

* Punto 10

$ My wife refuses to eat here. The plaster crumbles from the walls, the chairs are sticky, and dance music blares from ancient speakers despite the absence of a dance floor. A large blow-up trampoline castle sits off the exterior dining area. The sandwiches, however, are the best in town. You can choose chicken, steak, or pork loin and dress them yourself. You then pay by weight. The owner is a personal friend of mine. She always rounds down any change I owe.

The less adventurous may want to stay in and cook for themselves. My only recommendation is to avoid the frozen pizzas from the grocery. I often have a hankering for a Totino’s frozen pizza, despite their cardboardy taste. They are unavailable in Paraguay. So I tried a type of frozen pizza here one night. It tasted fine as I ate it. Five minutes later a taste possessed my mouth and would not leave. I had it next morning on awakening. I can only identify it as Artificial Funk flavor #3, but it was not listed in the ingredients. I am unwilling to try any other frozen pizzas.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: A few weeks ago (Life of Hardin Vol. IV, No. 10) I mentioned a girl who once held my heart in her hand. I have received more comment on this than any other, mainly from girls who might or might not have once held my heart in their hand. Each one asked, “Is it I?” To which I reply that yes, it is as you say.